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The necessary steps for an amicable divorce

Not all marriages end due to mistrust, infidelity and abusive behavior. Some unions simply just run their course attributed to growing apart, lack of feeling and a never-ending loop of blahs and near nothingness.

Now that you are heading toward divorce, you want to know whether it is possible to maintain a friendly relationship with your spouse after the dissolution of your marriage. It is possible. But remember, it is not easy and takes a great amount of work that includes honesty, compromise, compassion and certain amounts of explanation.

Empathy, support and communication

The above-mentioned characteristics that made your marriage a good one also can make your divorce an amicable one. Here are some things that may help guide you in an amicable divorce:

  • Understand that the end of your marriage affects everyone involved. It is not only you who may feel confused, hurt, angry and at a loss. Your spouse and children likely feel the same way. Empathy is an important factor in maintaining an amicable split.
  • Seek a supportive network that will listen to you and remain nonjudgmental. This group may be close friends and relatives who also have deep connections with your spouse. Also, this group should not be pointing fingers of blame, which promises to be counterproductive.
  • Know that you will need legal advice at some point, but also understand that the two of you can address many issues beforehand. You can prove that you still work together and can get along by making decisions regarding certain assets and child-related schedules. Negotiate what you think is fair to both of you. An attorney will guide you in the remaining details, leading to a potentially smooth divorce process.
  • Focus on long-term goals. Examples may be the time you spend with your children, the financial needs of your children as well as the business that you and your spouse may own. When it comes to matters that are the most important to you, what do you hope to accomplish years into the future?
  • Choose the most effective communication method. Sometimes, face-to-face meetings and phone conversations turn into moments of drama. Shouting, interrupting and arguments may arise. Consider email and texts as other options.

Can you remain friends? Is it possible to spend holidays together? Maybe. But perhaps those are not priorities. You just may want a divorce and an after-divorce transition to go as smoothly as possible. Being cordial and getting along are among the first steps toward achieving that goal.

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Joseph R. Zoucha, Attorney & Counselor at Law
520 Warren Street
Redwood City, CA 94063

Phone: 650-381-9591
Fax: 650-261-9650
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